Three Nonverbal Cues That Can Quietly Undermine Your Influence ... (and What to Do Instead)
If you consider the research, only about 7% of what we say is interpreted through our actual words.
Everything else is interpreted through our tone, our gestures, our body language, how we move, how we hold ourselves ... and even the cadence and tone of our voice.
So before I share three nonverbal cues that can quietly take away from your ability to influence, I want to start with something I know you’ve heard me say before:
Whatever you’re thinking comes out of your mouth.
In other words ... your mindset is the precursor to being able to influence successfully. Every time, it will impact how others will feel about what you have to say.
Get Your Head in the Game First
It’s very difficult for other people to be confident in us, trust us, and buy into what we’re saying when we are not confident in ourselves.
Let me give you a real example.
One of my clients, "Sue" (not her real name) is a rising female executive who is essentially creating a VP position for herself. She has been ...
Feeling Dismissed by Peers or Leadership? (How to Be Heard)
Have you ever walked into a meeting prepared, thoughtful, ready to contribute ... and then left feeling dismissed?
It is incredibly frustrating.
And, I want you to hear this clearly:
Your voice matters. It matters more now than ever.
And you deserve to be heard, valued, and respected in the rooms you are in.
The good news is this does not have to keep happening. There is a proven process to reduce those moments and increase your influence without needing to become louder, sharper, or someone you are not.
Here are two strategies you can start using immediately.
1)Â Get Clear on Your Message ... and the Meaning Behind It
Before we talk tactics, let's talk about mindset. Not in a vague motivational way ... in a practical, performance based way.
I want to share a simple parable that makes this point.
There are three people laying bricks.
Someone walks up to the first and asks, “What are you doing?”
She says, “I’m laying bricks.”
They ask the second person the same question.
She says...
Struggling With a Peer Causing You to Lose Influence with Leadership?
Have you ever felt like a peer was quietly (or not so quietly) blocking your influence with leadership?
If so, you’re definitely not alone. And when it happens, it’s not just frustrating… it’s costly. Costly to your confidence, your credibility, your career momentum, and the business itself.
What makes it even harder is that this behavior is often driven by fear-based leadership or narcissistic tendencies. When someone feels threatened, they may try to limit your visibility, exclude you from conversations, or position themselves as the gatekeeper to leadership.
It is not a reflection of your capability or value.
Why This Matters So Much
When a peer blocks your access to leadership:
- Your ideas don’t get heard
- Your impact gets diluted
- Key relationships don’t form
- The organization loses out on your expertise
The good news is there’s a proven process to address it.
Imagine for a moment if that same peer became someone who supported your ideas, amplified your voice, and saw your presence...
Struggling to Influence Difficult Colleagues (or Family Members)?
I don’t know if you’ve noticed this too, but during the holidays (or anytime stress runs unusually high) some people can become more difficult than usual. Emotions get bigger. Patience gets thinner. Small frustrations can escalate quickly.
And whether the tension comes from a colleague, a leader, or even a family member you love dearly… it can feel incredibly draining.
If you’re feeling like you’re losing energy or losing ground influencing those who are important for your year to end strong, here's a few simple, proven ways to prevent these moments from spiraling... and, in many cases, to de-escalate them before they even begin.
Step 1: Acknowledge and Validate (Without Agreeing)
When someone is frustrated or reactive, the fastest way to lower defensiveness is to name what you see and express understanding.
This does not mean you agree with their perspective.
You might say:
- “It seems like you're upset about missing our numbers. I understand why that would feel stressful.”
- “It sounds lik...
Mental Preparation for Influencing Under Pressure (The “ECO” Mindset)
If you’ve ever walked into a high-stakes conversation with a great plan yet felt your words landed flat, you’re not alone. What we think and feel beforehand shapes what others hear (through our tone, body language, and presence.) That’s why mental preparation isn’t a “nice to have”... it’s a performance edge.
Over the last decade, my work with senior female leaders has shown a consistent pattern: those who prepare their mindset before they prepare their message influence more effectively… especially under pressure.
I’d like to share a simple, research-informed framework you can use right away.Â
The 3 Critical Steps (That We Often Skip)
When influence matters, there are three core steps:Â
- Gain clarity on your message
- Build internal confidence for your message
- Execute an influence framework with the right mental and tactical preparation
Most people skip that third step, and it can be devastating to outcomes with peers, leadership, and customers.
The “ECO” Mindset Model can help you wi...
Build Influence Without Being Seen as a Threat (Part 3 of 3): Optimism That Future-Casts a Joint Win
In Parts 1 and 2, we built trust with Strategic Empathy and Curiosity that Creates Trust. Now we complete the ECO Mindset Model with Optimism… not Pollyanna positivity, but a clear, credible future-cast that aligns what you want, what they need, and what the organization must achieve.Â
Why Optimism (and What It Is Not).
Optimism is the discipline of communicating a shared vision, better future, and the path to get there. It acknowledges real pressure and loss-pain, but refuses to leave anyone in that valley. Bring them up to a concrete “what good looks like” vision, so the conversation ends on a crescendo and forward motion.Â
Future-cast the Win (for Them, You, and the Business).
Once you’ve validated what’s at risk, ask: “If the end of Q4 were a 10/10, what would need to be true?” Then paint the joint outcome: what gets protected, what advances, what success metrics we’ll see. This shifts the room from defensiveness to determination.Â
Use “We/Us/Let’s” to Create Kinship.
Langua...
Build Influence Without Being Seen as a Threat (Part 2 of 3): Curiosity That Creates Trust
In Part 1 of the "Build Influence Without Being Seen as a Threat" series, we focused on Strategic Empathy… leading with what matters most to your stakeholder. Now we’ll build on that foundation with Curiosity that Creates Trust: asking brave, compassionate questions that surface pressures, fears, and desires so your ideas land without triggering a threat response.Â
Why Curiosity (and Why It’s a Little Uncomfortable).
Research and real-world practice point to a hard truth: people are most motivated to act by loss pain… what they’re afraid of losing (visibility, budget, credibility, timeline, even their job). Until we understand that loss pain, and the pressures driving it (our recommendations can miss the mark and even worse, feel like a threat.) Curiosity requires courage because it asks us to name what may be unsaid and then truly listen.Â
Validate Without Agreeing.
Start by acknowledging their reality, clearly and respectfully. Validation isn’t capitulation… it’s connection. For ...
Build Influence Without Being Seen as a Threat (Part 1 of 3): Strategic Empathy
If you’ve ever shared a strong idea and felt the room tense or held back because you "didn’t want to step on your boss’s toes," you’re not alone. Your voice matters A LOT, so let’s make sure it’s heard, valued, and respected. This series is doing just that while ensuring you are not held back or blocked by being perceived as a threat: Strategic Empathy.
Why “strategic empathy”?
Strategic Empathy isn’t just kindness, it’s preparation. It shows you understand and care what matters to the person (their priorities, pressures, and wins). When people feel seen and understood, they feel safe and therefore more open to your ideas, input, and requests. Strategic empathy is the runway to have your influence take off.
Plan as if you’re in their seat.
Before a key conversation, step into their role and ask:
- What’s mission-critical for them this quarter?
- What’s at risk (budget, headcount, credibility, timeline)?
- What would make this quarter a 10+?
Shape your message to help them win. L...
Super Human Growth - an Interview with Shanna Goodell, Senior Director of Enterprise Learning & Talent Development at Druva
In the latest Fearless Female Leadership interview, I had the pleasure of speaking with Shanna Goodell, Senior Director of Enterprise Learning and Talent Development at Druva, about her inspiring career journey and her vision for “superhuman growth.”
Shanna’s path was shaped by mentors who believed in her potential and opened doors that might otherwise have stayed closed. From her best friend’s parents encouraging her to pursue college, to mentors who introduced her to organizational psychology, to leaders who gave her early opportunities, Shanna embodies the ripple effect of empowerment.
Her career reflects resilience and innovation—especially when she pioneered flexible work arrangements to balance motherhood with professional growth. At Druva, she now champions learning strategies that integrate cutting-edge AI with the human connection that truly drives growth. Shanna believes that curiosity, trust, and vision are the key ingredients for creating “superhuman teams” that achieve beyon...
Journey From Influence of Power to the Power of Influence - an Interview with Ekta Vyas, Ph.D, Chief Human Resources Officer from Keck Medicine of USC
In the latest Fearless Female Leadership interview, I had the distinct honor of speaking with Ekta Vyas, Ph.D, Chief Human Resources Officer of Keck Medicine at USC, about her remarkable journey from navigating cultural transitions to becoming an influential leader in healthcare. We explored her philosophy on moving from the influence of power to the power of influence, and how clarity, resilience, and humility fuel true leadership.
Dr. Vyas shared her upbringing in India, her bold move to the U.S., and the challenges of rebuilding her career in a new country. An introvert at heart, she leaned on deep reflection, silent courage, and an unwavering commitment to doing what’s right. She emphasized that leadership is not about positional authority but about the enduring impact you leave through your influence, character, and values.
She also revealed how spirituality, self-awareness, and resilience anchor her power, especially during adversity. Her message for leaders everywhere: seek no...
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