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Build Influence Without Being Seen as a Threat (Part 2 of 3): Curiosity That Creates Trust

curiosity influence validation Oct 09, 2025

In Part 1 of the "Build Influence Without Being Seen as a Threat" series, we focused on Strategic Empathy… leading with what matters most to your stakeholder. Now we’ll build on that foundation with Curiosity that Creates Trust: asking brave, compassionate questions that surface pressures, fears, and desires so your ideas land without triggering a threat response.

Why Curiosity (and Why It’s a Little Uncomfortable).

Research and real-world practice point to a hard truth: people are most motivated to act by loss pain… what they’re afraid of losing (visibility, budget, credibility, timeline, even their job). Until we understand that loss pain, and the pressures driving it (our recommendations can miss the mark and even worse, feel like a threat.) Curiosity requires courage because it asks us to name what may be unsaid and then truly listen.

Validate Without Agreeing.

Start by acknowledging their reality, clearly and respectfully. Validation isn’t capitulation… it’s connection. For example, “It seems like the board’s expectations this quarter are intense which can be incredibly stressful.”

Questions That Open the Door.

Use open, non-threatening prompts that open the door for both loss pain and desired outcomes:

“What would be most at risk if this slips?”
“Where are you feeling the heaviest pressure right now?”
“If this quarter were a 10/10 for you, what would be true?”

Ask, and then be quiet. Let them elaborate. Your job is to listen like it matters, because it does.

The Curiosity → Trust → Influence Loop.

When leaders feel seen in their constraints and ambitions, trust builds. This isn’t trust that you can get the job done. It’s the trust that you are aware and care about their circumstances. With trust established, you can align your solution to protect what they fear losing and advance what they want to gain. That’s the bridge to influence without friction, and the setup for structuring recommendations they’ll appreciate and take to heart.

Try this before your next conversation...

Name the top pressure/loss pain (budget, headcount, credibility, timeline).
Name the top desire (growth, pipeline, quality, velocity).

Now it’s your turn: If you had to guess, what’s the single thing your key stakeholder is most afraid of losing right now… and what’s one compassionate question you could ask to explore it? I’d love to hear your approach.

Coming up next
Part 3: We’ll translate what you learn into a crisp structure so your recommendations are easy to champion.

If you’re a leader looking to negotiate your compensation ... or gain clarity on ‘what’s next’ ... or learn how to lead with greater confidence and influence, let’s have a confidential conversation.

Cheering you on always!
– Sheryl