Struggling to Influence Difficult Colleagues (or Family Members)?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this too, but during the holidays (or anytime stress runs unusually high) some people can become more difficult than usual. Emotions get bigger. Patience gets thinner. Small frustrations can escalate quickly.

And whether the tension comes from a colleague, a leader, or even a family member you love dearly… it can feel incredibly draining.

If you’re feeling like you’re losing energy or losing ground influencing those who are important for your year to end strong, here's a few simple, proven ways to prevent these moments from spiraling... and, in many cases, to de-escalate them before they even begin.

Step 1: Acknowledge and Validate (Without Agreeing)

When someone is frustrated or reactive, the fastest way to lower defensiveness is to name what you see and express understanding.

This does not mean you agree with their perspective.

You might say:

• “It seems like you're upset about missing our numbers. I understand why that would feel stressful.”
• “It sounds like this topic brings up a lot of anxiety for you.”
• “It seems like there’s frustration here, and I understand how that might happen this time of year.”

Phrases like “it seems like…” and “it sounds like…” help people feel seen.

Adding “and I understand” helps them feel safe and seen.

And safety is the foundation of influence.

Once someone feels seen and understood, their emotional intensity almost always begins to soften. Only then are they fully able to hear you.

Step 2: Role Model the Way Forward

After acknowledging and validating, the next powerful step is to demonstrate calm leadership... Not telling others what to do, but showing how you handle moments like this.

For example:

“It seems like emotions are running high. When this happens to me, I take a walk or a quick pause to regroup.”

Or in a workplace setting:

“There’s a lot of understandable frustration right now. When I feel this way, I step out for a moment, grab some water, and reassess what actions are in our control.”

This subtle shift does several things:

• It redirects energy from conflict.
• It demonstrates what steady leadership looks like.
• It gives the other person a blueprint for calming themselves.
• It reduces the chance of further escalation.

When emotions rise, someone has to lead the moment. Your calm presence can be the anchor that brings everyone (colleagues or family) back to center.

Step 3: Lead by Example (Not Force)

You don’t need to convince or correct.

You simply show what grounded, emotionally intelligent leadership looks like.

• “Here’s how I reset.”
• “Here’s how I focus on what we can control.”
• “Here’s how I’d like this interaction to turn out.”

This models a healthier path forward and often inspires others to follow... not because they’re told to, but because they feel the shift you’ve created.

You Can Handle Difficult People with Grace and Influence (even if you’re related to them:).

I hope you don’t encounter too many of these moments… but they’re a natural part of work, leadership, and life. And with the right tools, you can navigate them in a way, so you don’t lose energy or influence.

Acknowledge and validate.

Lead by example.

Model the emotional tone you want to create.

And if you’re interested in being featured on the Fearless Female Leadership podcast, or you’re a leader looking to gain clarity on ‘what’s next’, how to build more cohesive and high-performing teams, and lead with greater confidence and influence, let’s have a confidential conversation.

To your continued success and cheering you on always!
- Sheryl