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Be Included in the Rooms That Matter

clarity exclusion inclusive tone Jan 14, 2026

Have you ever wanted (and deserved) to be in a room that would immediately add value, expand your visibility and impact ...but you were NOT included?

Maybe you know you’ve earned your way into that room, and it feels like you were purposefully excluded or maybe it was an oversight.

Either way, it can be incredibly frustrating and detrimental to the business.

Here’s the good news. There is a proven process to help you get into the important rooms and ensure your voice is heard, valued, and recognized.

Start here:

Step 1: Get Crystal Clear on Why You Want/Should be to Be in the Room

This is where most people start ... but they stop too soon.Yes, you want visibility. Yes, you want impact. Yes, you want to grow. But you have to get specific. What is the real reason you want to be in that room?

Is it because your work directly affects what is being decided?
Is it because you have expertise that will prevent blind spots?
Is it because you are responsible for outcomes but not present for the conversation?

Clarity first ... always. And then, once you are clear on why it matters, you have to take the next step.

Step 2: Make It Bigger Than You ... Why It Matters to Your Boss and the Organization

People who are highly influential and who are invited into the rooms where big (and small, important) decisions are made, have a deep understanding about what is vitally important to the other person/people.

Take on your boss’s personal, and be able to answer, in plain language:

As my boss, why would it be imperative to have me participate?
As my boss, what is most important and what is keeping me up at night?
As my boss, what would be most helpful?

This is not about convincing anyone you are worthy. It is about connecting your presence to THEIR desired outcomes.

When leaders understand that including you improves decisions, reduces risk, and strengthens execution ... the conversation changes. You’ll not just be included, they’ll move mountains to make sure you’re there.

Step 3: Name What’s at Stake if You Are Not There

This is the step that is very important ... and most people skip it.

Ask yourself: What is my boss, my team, or my company at risk of losing if I am not in that room?

That is THEIR cost of excluding you.

And it might look like:

A decision made without key context
A timeline that becomes unrealistic because operational realities were not represented
A risk that could have been prevented
Misalignment that creates rework, tension, or wasted budget
A missed opportunity because no one advocated for the right strategy

When you can calmly articulate what is at stake, you elevate the request from personal preference to business imperative.

Step 4: Make the Ask ... Using a ‘No’ Oriented Question

This is one of my favorite tactical shifts, based on the research of Chris Voss’s and others: It’s more effective to get the other person to ‘no’ rather than get him or her to a ‘yes’.

Why?

Saying ‘yes’ can make us feel trapped into a commitment rather than having agency over why it’s the obvious best choice.

And when someone feels pushed into a yes, they often resist. They feel trapped, even if they do not consciously realize it.

A no oriented question lowers defensiveness and creates more openness and collaboration.

Here are a few examples:

“Would it be unreasonable for me to join that meeting?”
“Would it be totally out of the question for me to be included?”
“Would it be a ridiculous idea for me to attend, given that my team owns execution of this?”

Notice what happens.

You are still asking clearly ... but you are doing it in a way that makes it easier for the other person to engage rather than shut down.

And sometimes the answer is not an immediate buy-ins ... but it becomes a solution.

Maybe you join the first 20 minutes.
Maybe you attend every other meeting.
Maybe you are included for the topics that directly impact your scope.

Progress is still progress.

Step 5: Win the Room Before You Enter It ... Your Tone Matters More Than Your Words

Final note ... and this one is big.

Your tone matters.

If you have been excluded multiple times, you may understandably feel frustrated. Or if the room feels out of reach, you may feel nervous or unsure.

Either way, do your mental preparation first.

According to the research, only a small percentage of what people interpret comes from the words.

Most of what people respond to comes from tone, body language, cadence, and presence.

So before the conversation:

Ground in confidence, calm, and compassion/caring
Speak slowly and in a descending tone. If your voice ascends at the end of a question, you’re asking permission, and it conveys lack of confidence.
Hold your posture as if you belong ... because you do

Here’s Your Recap:

Get clear on why you want to be in the room
Get clear on why it benefits your leader and organization
Get clear on what is at stake if you are not there
Ask with a ‘no’ oriented question
Prepare your mindset and tone before you speak

Here’s to you getting more seats at the table and having an even bigger voice once you’re there!

I am cheering you on always. If I can support you or your team, I’d love to help.
- Sheryl

Be Included in the Rooms That Matter

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