Agency Over Worry When Stakes Are High: Three Levers That CreateControl When the Pressure Is On

If you’ve ever ‘choked’ during an important conversation, it means that you’re human and that you care deeply about the outcome which is great! What’s not so great is that many times our inability to emotionally regulate robs us of our ability to influence, especially when the stakes are high.  

Here’s a look at my recent closed session at SFVegas for the Rising Stars cohort at Women in Securitization.  The focus was on Clarity, and what I'm about to share works any time of year, especially when you're facing pressure, uncertainty, or a high stakes moment.

We're exploring three Olympic-level strategies that rarely get the attention they deserve, yet they change everything when you use them with intention: Agency, Identity, and Rituals. And if you love having a sense of control (that’s me!), you're going to find these very effective:

1) Agency: You Have More Than You Think

The root cause for non-clinical anxiety  is almost always the same, fixating on things we cannot control: how we'll be perceived by others, how the audience will react, whether you'll get the job, promotion, or the raise. Those are real concerns, but the outcome is not fully within our power to determine.

Agency is the antidote, because it draws your attention back to what we can actually control. It's knowing exactly what you DO have control over and shifting your attention to those one or two things. The simplest way to build agency quickly is to decide two things: What is my desired outcome?, and What steps are within my control to move toward it? You may not have agency over whether the promotion materializes, but you absolutely have agency over the people you talk to, the skills you build, the conversations you initiate, and the commitments you keep. 

2) Identity: Be Your Future Leader Starting Now!

You've heard me say it before: new level, new devil. Any time you stretch into a bigger role or bigger visibility, that little voice may show up. "Who do you think you are? You're not ready."

Feeling like an imposter? Good! It means that you’ve raised your hand to dream bigger, be in the rooms that make you uncomfortable, and raise your hand for positions that challenge youRather than fight it, acknowledge it, validate it, and then choose your next-level identity anyway. Identity is not a title. It's an internal agreement. If you want to be a director, VP, or higher, start thinking and operating like you are in that role now. If you want to be in bigger rooms, start carrying yourself like you belong in them now. Your current identity will always pull your behavior back to what's familiar, but your next-level identity pulls your behavior forward and creates the conditions for others to see you at that level, too.

3) Rituals: The Missing Link Between Confidence and Consistency

There's often confusion between habits and rituals.. A habit is something you do consistently with flexibility. For example, I exercise every morning before work. Occasionally, I have an early meeting, so my exercise happens after my work day. A ritual happens at a specific time and does not change. For example, prior to all coaching sessions, I take three deep breaths and commit to being fully present. Rituals create stability inside uncertainty. 

Here's another one of mine: I learned from my speaking mentor, Bo Eason, to travel to speaking events with a small rock. The idea is that when you step on it, it helps you feel grounded. It's a physical reminder that you have agency over something in a moment where you don't have total control (ie: how the audience will respond).. Your ritual doesn't need to be dramatic. It needs to be repeatable: three deep breaths before an important meeting, touching the door jam prior to entering an important meeting, or placing your feet firmly on the floor before you speak. Rituals give your nervous system something steady to hold onto, and when your nervous system is steady, your ability to influence gets more in focus and stronger.

The Challenge: Proceed With the End in Mind

In the Women in Securitization session, I asked the cohort members to imagine the end of the year is here. What would make you most proud? Decide it's already happened. Then have agency over the steps: who do you need to talk to, what do you need to learn, what do you need to commit to, and what ritual will keep you grounded while you do it?

That is how you create clarity and calm when the stakes are high. 

If I can support you, your team, or your organization, please reach out to me directly at Sheryl@SherylKline.com.

I'm cheering you on, always!
- Sheryl